You were our sunshine in the dark days of Cal. I looked forward to you calling and asking for rides to Target or to try out some restaurant you saw on t.v. You would sit in the back of our '85 Benz and pretend that you were a kid again in your parents' Benz, listening to Julio Iglesias. We would bond over our depression, the stress of school and life and our outrageous families.
Your laugh, your shrugs and Roxy-eye-rolls... demure, alluring, hilarious, cosmopolitan, naive, fiercely smart and unbelievably determined. You pushed through all of your commitments, in spite of all of your depression and anxiety that held you back from attending class or going to an exam. I run and hide. You have faced it and owned it.
I will miss not being able to see you on our visits to California. I was looking forward to seeing you in your native SoCal environs, Roxy as the magnificent Santa Monica local. I am so glad we got to see you this past summer, though. But we never did get a picture, huh? I have been meaning to send you a Facebook message the past couple weeks, too - never got around to that, either.
We both struggled with our dark demons and I am on the very medication that may have ended your life. It has saved my life and I ironically began it when I first met you, as we all struggled with the Berkeley blows to dignity and self-esteem. I cried anew when I found out that you had just been on it and that awful reality when one needs meds and one seriously grave health issue is traded for another.
I am a Roxy fan, what can I say? I admire your zeal, your humor, your sense of style and unabashed, yet pragmatic, idealism. I fell in love with your coyness and sincerity and intelligence. You are a grand friend, beloved by my many and though I wish I had more time with you, I am so very glad for every moment we shared.
You are legendary to me. Thanks for being my friend, a fellow existential warrior just trying to change the world. You did it. You changed it, Rox. You changed it with every single one of the hundreds of people you touched so deeply in that super-special Roxanne-way of yours. So much love to you as you carry on in your journey.